Do you recognise the feeling of being stuck? That nothing works, that you doubt a lot and don't know what you want? Or the idea that you haven't actually achieved as much as you hoped? Often you then keep worrying, sleeping badly or having little energy. In this blog and the corresponding podcast I explain where that feeling of being stuck comes from and how to break free again.
We all have periods when there is a little less happening in our lives. But if you don't develop for an extended period, you often experience stagnation and a sense of hopelessness. Because as far as I'm concerned, the secret to happiness can be summed up in one word: progress. To make progress and start moving again, you first need to understand where your feeling of stagnation comes from. Therefore, I will explain the three main causes to you below.
Cause 1: expectations
We are guided by our expectations more than we think. These are often unconscious, unspoken and not very realistic. They are created by upbringing, knowledge and experience. For instance, you played hockey because your whole family did, or chose to study economics because your brother studied it too. Such expectations regularly lead to disappointment or frustration when reality turns out differently.
At my blog on expectations I explain how to better regulate expectations and thus take more control of your life.
Cause 2: ideals
You can also get stuck in ideals. For instance, in an ideal of a relationship or family. Or in the ideal of a non-violent society. The latter had a woman I spoke to recently. During our conversations, she found out that such an ideal is unachievable. Because whatever crisis there is, the arms industry produces unabated and makes huge profits. This does not mean she cannot do anything herself, but rather that anti-war demonstrations do not offer the progress she seeks.
Awareness of your ideals thus gives you insight into what you need to get moving again. Therefore, ask yourself what ideals you pursue, and how realistic they actually are.
Cause 3: rules
Finally, you can get stuck in the rules you impose on yourself and others. In love, for instance, if you think you should only receive love when everyone around you is happy. Or if you only give love when you are sure your partner is not cheating or rejecting you. Or maybe you only open up when the other person does too. Then you make it difficult for yourself to enter into a relationship, no matter how much you want it.
Again, the trick is to become aware of such obstructive rules. Then you can change them into rules that help you move forward. For example: I experience love when I can surrender to the moment. Or when I experience enthusiasm, excitement or strength. Such rules are achievable and they motivate. And therefore get you moving again.
Want to know more about feeling stuck and how to get unstuck again? Listen to the corresponding podcast or read my blog on expectation management. In my leadership training we will work on this in practice.
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