Feeling stuck: do you recognise it? In my previous blog I explained that such a feeling often comes from being more preoccupied with the future than the here and now. In other words, with expectations. And these influence reality, according to research. This means that you can steer your life in a positive direction by consciously using your expectations. In this blog and the corresponding podcast I explain how to do that and what it will get you.
Origin of expectations
You often develop expectations subconsciously. You do this yourself, when you look forward to a holiday, for instance, but they also arise from your environment and experiences. As a result, you can start living by the expectations of others. For instance, research shows that teacher expectations influence students' school performance. And that a teacher who checks with red pen marks more mistakes wrongly than with blue or black ink. So colour influences expectations.
The power of expectations
Then there are expectations from your childhood, grown into assumptions about yourself and the world. The result is a selffulfilling prophecy: you behave according to your own prediction, making the outcome your own. For example, do you expect people to smile at you because your father smiled at you as a child? Then you approach people more positively, so they do indeed smile. In this way, awareness of your expectations gives you more self-direction and control over your life.
7 tips for expectation management
1. Aim for realistic expectations
A positive expectation gives colour and meaning to your day; a negative attitude already makes you not feel like starting your day. But that does not mean that all your expectations come true. Expectations that do not come true even cause a reaction in your brain similar to physical pain. So don't set the bar too high and aim for realistic expectations. They will make you accept the day as it is.
2. Discover implicit expectations of others
We are quick to fill in expectations of others. This can cause unnecessary problems. Therefore, ask exactly what the other person means so that the actual expectations are clear.
3. Align your expectations with each other
Conversely, make your expectations clear and concrete. Because just like you, half a word is not enough for the other person. Record your agreements, check whether the other person understands you, convince or adjust your expectations to avoid disappointments.
4. Be open and open-minded
Expect a change or renewal and open up to new opportunities and possibilities. This ensures progress and therefore happiness, as in my previous blog explained.
5. Monitor progress and adjust
Expectations change with developments and new insights. Therefore, test your expectations regularly and be honest: raise the alarm in time if you cannot meet them. Otherwise, others will wrongly assume that you live up to agreements.
6. Learn from disappointments
You learn from mistakes. Therefore, also dwell on disappointments and unfulfilled expectations: these provide opportunities for development and progress.
7. Live by your values
Awareness of your values makes it easier to make choices that really suit you. This way, you make sure you live by your own rather than the expectations of others.
Want to know more about expectation management and how to take charge of your life? Listen to the corresponding podcast or follow one of my leadership training, in which you learn more about your own expectations and how to regulate them.
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