Why discipline isn’t your real problem

Many people think they need more discipline.

But often, discipline isn’t the real problem at all.

Because everything you do, you do unconsciously to fulfil a need.

For example, you do sport because:

• seeking peace
• want to feel the energy
• want to experience recognition
• want to get stronger

But exactly the same applies to behaviour that actually works against you.

For example, people often don’t smoke because they want to, but because they:

• to relax
• want to feel at peace
• avoid tension
• try to stay in control

In this episode, I’ll take you through the four categories of behaviour and awareness.

The four boxes

Box 1: Flow

It feels good and it’s good for you.

Think about:

• sports
• meaningful work
• time with the people you love
• creativity
• experience peace and energy

Box 2: Growth

It feels uncomfortable, but it helps you grow.

Think about:

• having difficult conversations
• coaching
• train
• making healthy choices
• take responsibility

It’s not always pleasant in the short term.
It is certainly worthwhile in the long term.

Box 3: Comfort

It feels good, but it ends up draining your energy.

For example:

• scroll
• postpone
• overeating
• complain
• avoid
• gossip

Nice and quick.
Long-term cost.

Box 4: Self-sabotage

It feels bad and it’s bad for you too.

These often include patterns such as:

• addiction
• destructive relationships
• chronic stress
• victimhood
• keep sabotaging yourself

Often, someone knows it’s not right, but subconsciously it still offers them something. For example, security, control or a sense of familiarity.

Why identity is more important than motivation

One of the main reasons why people slip back into old habits is identity.

If, deep down, you believe:

• “I’m just a smoker, that’s all”
• “I’m not the sporty type”
• “That’s just the way I am”

then identity almost always trumps motivation.

That is why real change requires more than just discipline.

It requires awareness.

The real breakthrough

The aim isn’t to be in a state of flow all the time.

Real growth happens when you:

• behaviour from box 3 or 4
• deliberately moves to Box 2

Because that is precisely where growth, a sense of ownership and fulfilment arise.

Reflection question

Which patterns bring you comfort today…
But do they cost you your freedom, energy or peace of mind in the long run?

Would you like to find out what patterns drive your behaviour when you’re under pressure?

Do the Blueprint scan:
Blueprint scan