More grip on screen use
How is it going now?
Invitation
Over the next few days, discuss with your partner and with your child (6+) the rules you have around screen use. Are you all happy with them? And if not, what would you like to change? What new rules and agreements could you introduce?
Effects of screen use
For example, screen use can help your child improve their eye-hand coordination, learn English and learn to cope with frustration.
At the same time, there are also negative effects. In particular, too much, too often and too long screen use can affect eyes, body weight, socio-emotional development and school results, among other things.
Read on to the effects below.
Screen use can help your child improve their hand-eye coordination, learn English and deal with frustration.
At the same time, there are also negative effects. In particular, too much, too often and too long screen use can affect eyes, body weight, socio-emotional development and school results, among other things.
Some positive effects:
- Physical and motor development: Eye-hand coordination is strengthened by playing games.
- Social-emotional development: children can develop their social skills by playing games with a friend or an entire team.
- Moral development: they learn to deal with winning and losing and with frustration, and by talking with you about what they think about certain games, social media posts or videos, they learn to form their own opinions and gain more self-understanding.
- Language development: with language practice software, children learn to read and write in a fun way. And through games, they learn English 'naturally'.
- Cognitive development: with educational software and apps, they can gain a lot of knowledge.
- Play and fantasy: children's imaginations can be stimulated by the different world they play in while using the screen.
Potential negative effects:
- Sleeping worse because of blue light: but also because of the hustle and stress that games and other software evoke. Concentration at school can also suffer.
- Social-emotional development lags behind: because your child plays less with other children and thus practices social skills less.
- Obesity and energy explosions : these can result from sitting still for a long time. Young children's bodies are made to move a lot. The energy that is pent up does not always come out in a positive way
- Damage to the eyes: damage can occur when children spend a lot of time indoors looking at a screen. Especially if there is little light inside. High myopia can result, i.e. a spectacle strength of minus 6 or more. Being outside a lot helps reduce damage.
- Language: it can get gross because of what a child hears in gross videos on YouTube, for example.
- Worldview: children are influenced by what they see and hear. Children still lack skills to reflect critically and are mainly guided by their emotions. Violence in games may therefore be perceived as an acceptable way of problem solving for some children.
- Fears: these can be developed as a result of intense images.
- Less creativity: creativity is not stimulated as much as when a child plays by himself and invents a 'story'
- Addiction: there is a risk of addiction if a child is on a screen too much, too often and too long.
- Poorer school results: results may decrease because a child has less time to work on papers, talks, etc. A child who gets used to a lot of screen time in primary school will spend less time on homework in secondary school.
If your child gets used to being allowed to use the computer or watch TV for a long time at an early age, it is difficult to change this later. So set a limit from the start, stick to your own rules as much as possible and explicitly name exceptions. Setting an alarm clock or timer can prevent many discussions.
The most commonly used, general guidelines are:
- 4-6 years: 10 to 15 minutes at a time, maximum 1 hour per day.
- 6-8 years: maximum 1 hour per day, spread over at least 2 periods.
- 8-10 years: maximum 1 to 1½ hours, spread over the day.
- 10-12 years: up to 2 hours, spread over the day.
- older than 12 years: maximum 3 hours spread over the day.
Source: My child online
The balance between screen on the one hand and exercise and - preferably outdoor - play on the other is important.
The Health Council's Exercise Guidelines 2017 state that children should get at least one hour of moderate-intensity exercise a day. But that is the bare minimum; two hours a day of exercise and being outside is better. If your child was busy with a tablet or phone for a few hours on a rainy Sunday, let him play outside and socialise extra often for the rest of the week.
Monitor what your child does through the various screens and check whether the relevant content is age-appropriate. Just watch and play along. This will give you a better idea of the content and how your child interacts with it. Then you can also discuss and assess whether violence does something to them and makes them indifferent and whether they can keep reality and play apart properly.
Retrieved from Kijkwijzer.co.uk read whether the content of a film, game or television programme is suitable for the child's age. But, of course, every child is different.
Age limits are there for a reason, but sometimes it is difficult to stick to them. Especially when other children are allowed to play games that are 12+ or even 16+, or watch films that are not really suitable for their age.
Consult with friends' parents about what is being played and watched at their house, listen to their arguments for allowing or not allowing something. But in the end, make your own plan. Even if your son does play Fortnite at a friend's house once, you can still have and keep your own rules at home. You know your child and know what is good for him.
Since we are not always sitting next to our child, it is important that he learns how to use media himself. Explain to your child that:
- Information on the internet is not always reliable.
- Information he posts himself on the internet is visible to everyone and often difficult to remove again.
- How it works with privacy on the internet and how to guard your privacy.
- How to behave respectfully and conveniently online.
- How your child can (and should) handle online purchases.
Children copy our behaviour. If you have your phone next to your plate during dinner, your child thinks it is normal to check your mobile all the time. So be aware of your own media use and set a good example. Moreover, you can only credibly set rules if you follow them yourself.
The opportunities and dangers of gaming
When you think of games, you might immediately think of fighting and shooting games, but there are actually games that are more positive and even contribute to your child's development. Gaming can improve eye-hand coordination, for instance, but also spatial awareness (when navigating in a racing game or football game, for instance) and creativity by finding solutions (as in Minecraft). A learning game makes learning fun. The attractive form attracts attention and also holds it more easily than a written text. Moreover, a device has endless patience and does not get irritated after a certain number of wrong answers.
Function of gaming What function does gaming serve for your child? It matters a lot whether gaming is a way to cope with pressure from school or just to fill an empty hour every now and then. As a parent, look at this critically. Try to understand what gaming means to your child and why he does it.
Preventing addiction According to the Trimbos institute, gaming only becomes problematic if a child abandons his other activities and commitments for it. For example, if he cannot stop for dinner or lets his friendships get watered down. Because it is difficult for a child to control his own behaviour, it is up to you as a parent to limit in time.
Screen addiction checklist
US research on the screen use of children aged between 4 and 11, shows that the way children use the devices determines whether or not they develop a screen addiction.
This is also true when controlling for the amount of screen time.
University of Michigan researchers have developed a screen addiction checklist. It consists of nine signs, which may indicate (future) addiction:
1. Lack of control. Your child finds it hard to stop screen use.
2. Loss of interests. The only thing that seems to motivate your child anymore are screens.
3. Preoccupation. Your child can only think about screens.
4. Psychosocial consequences. Screen use interferes with family activities.
5. Serious problems due to screen use, e.g. problems in the family.
6. Withdrawal. Your child gets frustrated if he cannot engage with screens.
7. Tolerance. Your child wants to spend more and more time with screens.
8. Cheating. Your child tries to hide his screen use or does it secretly.
9. Flight. On a bad day, screen time is the only thing that helps him feel better.
If you want to know more about children and gaming, check out the Trimbos institute website.
Rules and agreements?
As you have seen, there is a difference between rules and agreements. Rules you impose as parents, agreements you make together with your child. You can also make this distinction for screen use.
With children from around 6 years old, you gradually move from rules to agreements, i.e. by mutual agreement. In fact, research shows that when your child has the opportunity to come up with their own ideas and solutions, agreements are more effective.
Up to about 6 years old: rules Devise the screen rules together with your partner and then discuss them with your child. Explain why you think these rules are important and give your child space to respond. This way, you will also know whether your child understands the rule.
Examples of rules:
'You are allowed half an hour a day, right after school, on the laptop/phone/tablet/Playstation.' And: 'After dinner, you are allowed to watch television for half an hour.' And: 'If there are visitors, you sit up with the tablet in your own room.' And: 'We don't use screens at the table.' And: 'One hour before bedtime, we don't use screens and put them on the dining table.'
From 6 years: appointments In an open atmosphere of mutual trust, you can very well make agreements with a child from 6 or 7 years old. Evaluate your agreements every now and then and adjust them if necessary, so the agreements grow with your child's age.
Examples of agreements:
'You're allowed one hour a day on the laptop/phone/tablet/Playstation and you can decide when to do it. But when you start, you have to tell mum or dad so they can keep an eye on the time. And you always sit in the living room so we can see what you're doing.'
Making appointments together in 7 steps
1. Think about the topic you want to agree on.
2. Get together at a quiet time.
3. Motivate the children for making agreements by telling them what it will achieve.
4. Brainstorm on what kind of arrangements you could make, write everything down, only later will you choose.
5. From all the possible options, choose the arrangements you will implement.
6. Together with the children, consider any (logical) consequences of not keeping the agreements.
7. Evaluate after a week and adjust arrangements if necessary.
Do you want to really connect with your child?
And do you want to learn an approach that allows you to solve not only screen use?
The information, steps and tips are going to help you, only my experience is that the real change is in something else. Interested?
Then quickly read the next lesson on the essence of Conscious Fatherhood!
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